I'm a bit out of balance at this moment and feel as though I'm being swallowed up by my household and mommy duties. Today, being Sunday, I tried to reserve a few hours for "me" time. Well, plans changed as both baby and hubby are down and out with the icky stomach virus going around. So "me" time became "take-care-of-the-things-that-are-driving-me-crazy-or-I'll-be-a-raging-
lunatic-by-the-end-of-the-week." This included laundry, dishes, making the grocery list, mopping the kitchen floor and the dreaded...cleaning out the refrigerator. (All happening in between taking care of two sick boys- Can I just say "eeeww".) When did I become so domestic?
Luckily, I was able to fit in a little knitting, but what I really need most is a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine would be nice. Heck...even a 5 minute foot rub would do the trick.
When I'm feeling out of sorts I usually turn to two things: 1) stillness. (this can consist of a quiet walk, laying on the floor, trying to meditate) OR 2) reach out to others .
So...here I am...reaching out...wondering if you can help. I know that there's a lot more going on in my life than just this one day to make me feel out of balance. I know there are still some decisions I need to make in regards to balancing work, creative endeavors, mommy, wife and family stuff...There are things that must change or things I must let go of in order to regain some much needed, breathable space. I feel a crossroads coming on - a definite shift. I know there are still things that need to change in order for me to feel as though I'm living the life I've imagined. But as I sit here, in desperate need of a 24-hour nap, I ask myself:
"Then do it already...what are you waiting for?"
"What am I afraid of?"
"What is it you REALLY want in this life?"
As I sit and ponder my own deep-seated fears and insecurities...could ya help me out?
I'd like to know this: What do you do when you are confused and how do you push through your fears?
Ok...now...off to the tub.
3 comments:
Hi Shannon. I know this is an old post, but I'm still catching up on keeping up.
I just wanted to share with you on this question because these are all questions and concerns that I feel more deeply now than I ever have before.
One of my favorite painters is Agnes Martin. I always thought that she and I shared some qualities in spirit, and when I 'dream' of a life I'd love, I look to people who I've come across in text or in person who seem to exhibit a way of meeting the world in a balance between solemnity and adventure. People who know how to handle solitude and revel in it but also connect with others on a 'real', thoughtful, tender level. People who can address conflict but always strive for peace and power balance. I suppose you could call these people 'heroes', but I think of them as friends.
So: sometimes I look to others that I trust for inspiration, hope and motivation.
and sometimes I just have a really hard, quiet cry--and allow myself to let go and feel 'crazy' for a bit.
I appreciate your honesty and earnestness.
<3
Agnes Martin on Humility
I can see humility
Delicate and white
It is satisfying
Just by itself. . .
And Trust
absolute trust
a gift
a precious gift
I would rather think of humility than anything else.
Humility, the beautiful daughter
She cannot do either right or wrong
She does not do anything
All of her ways are empty
Infinitely light and delicate
She treads an even path.
Sweet, smiling, uninterrupted, free.
. . Agnes Martin 1973
I too am finally getting caught up on the blog and am commenting a bit tardy. I'd like to respond by focusing on your question. "What do you do when you are confused and how do you push through your fears?" There are a few things that I do. I usually first focus on what is it that I need to do right now and commit to doing that. It helps me get present and I find that each little piece helps me keep momentum forward. I also try to remember that everything and everyday is a building block for our lives and over time it will come together and focus on trusting the timing that things will take. We are living the lives we've imagined and each day we imagine new things and live into those.
I look forward to hearing what choices you decide to make as you continue to imagine and live into your life esspecially continuing to integrate your new role as a mother. I think it's normal to along the process to meet challenges, fears, and questions they help us to find out what some our choicepoints are. As move through time we discover our path.
Post a Comment